Last Night

Last night I had a meltdown. It was pretty bad. It ended up with me crying in my apartment for no apparent reason. Just standing there and sobbing. No one likes me, I thought. My life is horrible. And so on thoughts kept coming and  I kept crying. I think there was a part of me that was perplexed at my sudden horrible mood, and another part of me that gently reminded the rest of me that ‘my time of the month’ was near and was responsible for the meltdown. But still, the emotional storm threw me off guard, and the next day I walked around with a ‘crying hangover,’ feeling stuffed up, tired and (yes) a bit teary-eyed.

A part of me wonders where God is when we are messy-crying alone in our rooms. I wondered last night. Heck, I questioned God out loud. “Where are you?” I inwardly screamed. “I can’t hear You.” I wish I could say that right after that, I experienced some cool miracle that would be fun to blog about. And, I can honestly say that I did feel a little bit more at peace after my ‘angry-prayer,’ but the pain still lingered. I still felt alone and afraid and ready to give up.

During times like last night, I remember that there are no easy answers. People leave us, people hurt us, and sometimes we feel like no one will ever understand us. Sometimes we question everything. And, I suppose that that’s okay. God made us to question. But it is also in times like last night, when I remember that I do believe, even though it is sometimes hard, in something, or better yet Someone,  who is beyond myself. Last night through the pain, I remembered that I still believe in hope, in love, and in faith. I believe that I am made for a purpose, that things will get better. Last night reminded me that though I sometimes hurt, I am still alive, and I am still loved. And you are too.

In love,


Image credit: kmiragaya / 123RF Stock Photo

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